Three AM on the trauma unit, charting vitals on a patient who's finally stable after a rough night. I've got my earbuds in, trying to decompress with what promised to be a supernatural thriller set in Italy. FBI agent, Vatican intrigue, an exorcist partner - sounds like exactly the kind of ridiculous fun I need after watching a surgeon pull glass out of someone's chest for two hours.
Then the AI narrator opened her mouth. And I wanted to throw my phone into the sharps container.
That British Accent Though
Look. I get that AI narration is becoming a thing. I'm not inherently opposed - technology marches on, and sometimes it works. But Caroline (synthesized voice) - and yes, that's how she's credited, which should've been my first warning - delivers this American FBI agent's story in a British accent. Lauren Lamb is from... not Britain. She's working with the Vatican after leaving the BAU. Nothing about her backstory suggests she should sound like she's ordering tea at Harrods.
The monotone delivery made it worse. During what should've been tense investigation scenes in an ancient Italian cloister, Caroline sounds like she's reading a grocery list. With a British accent. For an American character. In Italy. My brain kept short-circuiting trying to reconcile it.
I've listened to plenty of audiobooks where narrators do accents for characters. That's different. That's craft. This is just... wrong. Like watching a medical drama where they shock asystole. (THAT'S NOT HOW DEFIBRILLATORS WORK, by the way. You shock V-fib, not flatline. Every. Single. Time.)
The Story Underneath the Robot
Here's the frustrating part - there's actually a decent thriller buried under the AI narration. Lauren Lamb has the kind of backstory that could've hit hard: lost her husband, lost her father, walked away from a brilliant BAU career after a serial killer case went sideways. That's real trauma. That's the kind of character I want to root for.
The Vatican conspiracy angle with the exorcist partner is campy in the best way. A nun dies mysteriously in an ancient cloister, and the question of whether something supernatural is happening or whether a very human killer is at work - that's my kind of setup. Kate Bold clearly knows how to structure a thriller. The book moves fast at under five hours, which normally I'd appreciate for a commute listen.
But I couldn't connect to any of it emotionally because the narration stripped all the tension out. When Lauren is grappling with her faith while investigating a potentially demonic murder? That should land. Instead, Caroline delivers it with all the emotional range of a GPS giving directions.
Who Should Listen (And Who Should Run)
If you can tune out narration and just absorb plot, maybe you'll be fine. If you're desperate for a quick Vatican thriller and don't have other options, it exists. Honestly though? Try the ebook instead - that might be the move.
But if narration matters to you at all? If you need a voice to carry you through a story, especially one dealing with faith and trauma and supernatural horror? Skip this version. The AI accent inconsistency isn't a minor quirk you can ignore. It's like trying to watch a movie where the audio is slightly out of sync - your brain never stops noticing.
I made it through about two hours before I gave up and switched to a true crime podcast. Carlos asked the next morning why I looked so annoyed driving home. I told him an AI narrator had personally offended me. He nodded like this was a completely normal thing for me to say. (It is.)
Charting This One as a DNF
This one breaks my heart a little because the premise had potential. FBI agent teams up with an exorcist to investigate murders at the Vatican? That's the kind of gloriously pulpy thriller that should be perfect for post-shift decompression. Every Dead Thing nailed that same FBI-investigating-something-dark vibe, but with a narrator who actually knew how to deliver emotional weight. The synthesized narration here turns what could've been a fun, fast listen into an exercise in frustration.
If Kate Bold ever releases this with a human narrator who can actually differentiate between characters and, you know, match accents to nationalities - I'd give it another shot. Until then, my dashboard didn't get yelled at for medical inaccuracies this time. It got yelled at for making me listen to a British robot pretend to be an American FBI agent in Italy.
Some things AI just isn't ready for yet. Audiobook narration might be one of them.
