The Wind Off Lake Michigan vs. The Plains of Rohan
I was walking the lakefront trail yesterday—wind whipping off the water so hard I could barely feel my face—listening to Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli running across the plains of Rohan.
(And yes, I was pretending I was tracking Uruk-hai instead of just trying to hit my step count before grading a stack of sophomore essays on The Great Gatsby. Don't judge me.)
Here's the thing about Tolkien. When you teach high school English for two decades, you see kids treat Lord of the Rings like it's homework. Or worse, they just watch the movies and think they know the story. But listening to The Two Towers? Specifically the Rob Inglis version? That's not homework. That's time travel.
It's messy, it's long, and honestly? It saved my sanity this week.
The "Grandpa by the Fire" Vibe
Let's address the elephant in the room. Or the Oliphaunt.
Everyone's talking about the Andy Serkis narration these days. And look, Serkis is great. He's intense. He's the movie voice. My students love him because he keeps them awake.
But Rob Inglis?
Inglis is the professor you wish you had in college. The one with the tweed jacket who smells like pipe tobacco and old library books. He doesn't just act out the scenes; he recounts a history.
His voice is... textural. Is that a word? I'm making it a word. When he does the Ents—Treebeard specifically—it's slow. Glacial. Exactly how trees should talk. It's not about adrenaline; it's about weight. He understands that Tolkien wasn't writing an action movie script; he was writing a mythology. That same mythological weight carries through in his narration of Return of the King, where the stakes get even heavier.
(Though, fair warning: if you're used to modern, fast-paced thrillers, Inglis might put you to sleep. My wife Denise listened to five minutes and said, "Marcus, this man sounds like a lullaby." She's not wrong.)
We Need to Talk About the Singing
Okay. The songs.
Tolkien wrote a lot of poems. A lot. And unlike most modern narrators who might just read them rhythmically, Rob Inglis sings them. A cappella.
Does he have a Grammy-winning voice? No.
Does it sound a bit like your uncle having one too many sherries at Christmas? Maybe.
But it works.
Seriously. There's something charmingly authentic about it. When he sings the "Lament for Boromir," it feels like an actual folk song being passed down, not a polished studio production.
My students would absolutely hate this. They'd hit that 30-second skip button so fast their thumbs would cramp. But for me? I let it play. It forces you to slow down. The author chose those words—and that melody, implicitly—so I'm going to listen to them. Even the long ones about Ent-wives.
The Slog is the Point
The Two Towers is the tricky middle child. Half the book is a war movie (Helm's Deep, Isengard), and the other half is two depressed hobbits walking through rocks.
Listening to the Frodo and Sam sections can be... a lot. It's bleak. It drags.
But here's my hot take: It's supposed to drag.
Inglis doesn't try to spice up the misery of Mordor. He leans into the exhaustion. You feel the weight of the Ring because the narration itself feels heavy, tired, worn out. When I was grading papers at 11 PM, eyes burning, listening to Samwise Gamgee try to keep going? I felt that in my soul. Tolkien's Silmarillion has that same exhausting beauty—though I'll admit I've never made it all the way through while grading.
(Principal Martinez, if you're reading this, grading is a joy and a privilege. Please don't fire me.)
The Verdict
If you want explosions and movie-accurate Gollum voices, go get the Serkis version. No shade.
But if you want to feel like you're sitting in a dusty study at Oxford in 1954, listening to the story as it was written to be heard? Stick with Inglis. It's comforting. It's classic. It's worth pausing the faculty meeting for.
Who should listen: Patient listeners who want mythology over action, fans returning to Middle-earth who crave that old-school storytelling warmth, and anyone who appreciates a narrator who treats the source material like sacred text.
Who should skip: If you need fast pacing or can't handle a cappella poetry breaks, Serkis is your guy.
Just maybe keep your finger near the volume button for the singing parts if you're in public.
