Ever wonder what a retired Army Colonel listens to when he's absolutely sick of analyzing geopolitical threats and tactical failures? (Don't answer that.) Sometimes, after a week of consulting on corporate executive protection, I just need something that doesn't require a security clearance to understand. My wife Linda told me to "lighten up" and stop listening to books about the Cold War because I was stressing out the dog. So, here we are. Full Bloom.
Let me cut to the chase: This is not my usual wheelhouse. It's a romance-mystery about a B&B in South Carolina involving a ghost, a wedding, and a murder. If I told my guys from the old unit I was listening to this, I'd never hear the end of it. But you know what? It wasn't half bad.
The Asset on the Mic
I'll be honest—the only reason I didn't hit the eject button in the first hour was Lorelei King. I hadn't heard her before, but she is a pro. She handles the narration like a seasoned operator. She brought that same controlled precision to Bone Crossed, where the material is darker but she never loses her footing.
Voice acting is tricky. Do too much, and you sound like a Saturday morning cartoon. Do too little, and you're putting me to sleep on I-35. King finds the sweet spot. She nails the Southern accents without making them sound like a bad Hollywood impression (which is rare). She gives the characters distinct voices, which is critical when you have a cast this... eccentric. There's a handyman, a psychic, and a ghost. Yeah, a ghost.
She brings a level of energy—sparkle, I guess you'd call it—that elevates the material. The writing is a bit fluffy, frankly. Without King driving the Humvee, this story might have gotten stuck in the mud. She made the humorous bits actually funny. I caught myself chuckling a few times, and Ranger (my German Shepherd) gave me a weird look.
Operations, Intelligence, and Fluff
Now, about the story. It's chaotic. We've got Annie Fortenberry trying to run this B&B, and then this biker guy, Wes Bridges, rolls in. He's supposed to be the "bad boy" love interest. (I've seen actual bad boys; they usually don't look this good on a Harley, but fine, it's fiction.)
The mystery element—the murder of the ex-husband—is what kept me engaged. It's not complex tradecraft, and you're not going to need a corkboard and red string to figure it out, but it moves. The pacing is decent. I listened at my usual 1.25x speed, and it flowed well.
However—and here's where the "romance" tag hits you—there are moments where the plot takes a backseat to the "sizzle." The description promised "hair-raising shenanigans," and well, it delivers on the shenanigans. There's a subplot involving a dog named Fleas and a twenty-two-pound cat. Ranger approved of the dog scenes. I just tolerated them.
Some of the characters are pretty cartoonish. If you're looking for deep psychological profiling, you're in the wrong theater of operations. This is escapism, pure and simple. It's the kind of book you listen to when you want to forget that the world is on fire.
SITREP
Look, is this going to replace The Things They Carried on my top shelf? No. Absolutely not. But was it a decent way to kill 8 hours on a boring drive? Yeah.
Lorelei King earns the gold star here. She took a script that could have been insufferable and made it entertaining. If you like Janet Evanovich's style—fast talking, wacky situations, light danger—you'll be fine. Ten Big Ones hits that same Evanovich frequency, and King handles that one too—so if the voice here worked for you, you'll recognize the same energy. If you're looking for a serious thriller, keep walking.
Mission accomplished, I guess. Now back to something with more explosions.
