Forty hours.
Let that sink in for a second. Forty hours and thirty-four minutes. That's a full work week. That's longer than it takes me to grade a stack of junior research papers (and way less painful, honestly).
I've been staring at City of God on my "To Read" list since grad school. It sat there, mocking me, right next to Finnegans Wake. But then I saw the audiobook duration and thought, "Marcus, you can walk the dog for a month and finally say you've finished Augustine."
So I did. And look—it's a lot. It's dense, it's ancient, and it's arguably the most important book in Western theology. But it's also surprisingly spicy.
The Original Clapback
Here's the context my students would sleep through: Rome got sacked by the Visigoths in 410 AD. Everyone started panicking, blaming the Christians because "Oh no, we stopped worshipping the old gods and now look what happened."
Augustine wasn't having it.
This book is basically a massive, intellectual "Actually, you're wrong." He goes through history, philosophy, and theology to dismantle the pagan arguments piece by piece.
But here's the thing—it's not dry. Well, okay, parts of it are dry (it's 5th-century theology, let's be real). But the energy? The energy is defensive and sharp. He's not just preaching; he's debating. He's fighting for the soul of his culture.
Listening to it, you realize how much of our modern thinking—about war, peace, government, and ethics—started right here. It's the bedrock. It's like seeing the source code of Western civilization. (And yes, I felt incredibly smart listening to this while folding laundry. My wife Denise just rolled her eyes when I tried to explain the "two cities" concept over dinner.)
Honestly, I should've started with something like 5 Love Languages if I wanted her to stay awake during my theological monologues.
Racing Through Theology
Let's talk about Darren L. Slider.
Usually, with a classic of this magnitude, you get a narrator who sounds like they're reading a eulogy. Very serious. Very slow. Very... sleepy.
Slider? He's got places to be.
His pace is fast. Like, really fast. At first, I was reaching for the 0.8x button (which is sacrilege for me—I'm a strict 1.0x guy). But then I realized something: this speed is a mercy.
If he read this at a "normal" contemplative pace, the audiobook would be 60 hours. Slider keeps the momentum going. He understands the text—you can tell by where he puts the emphasis—but he doesn't dwell on every syllable. It gives the arguments a sense of urgency.
That said, you can't zone out. If you let your mind wander to your grocery list for thirty seconds, you've missed an entire philosophical refutation of Platonism.
Cliff Notes
Is this for everyone? Absolutely not. My mom would hate this. My students would riot.
But if you're a history nerd, a theology buff, or just someone who wants to understand the intellectual architecture of the last 1,600 years, it's incredible. Skip it if you need something you can half-listen to while multitasking—Augustine demands your full attention. It's a marathon, not a sprint (even if the narrator is sprinting).
I finished it feeling exhausted and enlightened. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go listen to something mindless. Maybe a thriller. Or just silence.
